To be a goth on the inside, you don’t have to wear a lot of eyeliner or have sex in a cemetery. I’ve spent years stressing with death and life’s meaninglessness, but in a lighthearted way. I live my life as if it were a loose garment! I’ll raise my arms and whirl and grin like I’m in a shampoo commercial when the cold hand of death arrives pointing its bony finger at me.
Listen, we’re all alive and we’re all going to die. Everything you’ve done, spoken, or worried about in your life will be forgotten. You may even return as a different person, having forgotten about yourself. What I mean is that what makes life so amusing is how useless everything is! Isn’t it hilarious?
In This Article...
Aries: Jet-Ski Accident
When an Aries takes their last breath, you can expect they’ll do so quickly. Whether it occurs on a jet ski, motorcycle, or in the midst of some very rapid rebound sex, their death will undoubtedly be a tour-de-force exit; an Expiration Celebration, to use a phrase. They will die like they lived: joyfully and without trepidation.
Taurus: Buried Alive
Taurus people are devoted to their possessions. We can’t say that we blame them. With their cherub cheeks, large eyes, and charming trinkets, they’re incredibly cute folks. They collect things like germs on a first-grader, and getting rid of them could necessitate a reality TV crew or even an exorcism. Unless, of course, you’re too late and Taurus is discovered clutching a dead cat beneath a stack of dusty books and antique cooking spoons.
Gemini: Hands Bitten Off
In astrology, each sign has a ruling body part. It’s the hands for Gemini. Geminis are inquisitive, and they communicate their curiosity by touching objects. If you take them to the zoo on a date, they’ll reach into the monkey house’s bars and have their hands ripped off. You can read this article while they bleed out. Do it as soon as possible, before their life force runs out. Geminis excel at multitasking, thus bleeding heavily while listening to a story will appeal to them. They’ll most likely appreciate the distraction.
Cancer: Falling Of The Roof, Yelling, I’LL FIX IT MYSELF!
Cancer, you’re far too reliant on yourself. I know you believe no one can match your abilities, but the truth is that many individuals can. There are a lot of people who are far more capable than you.
Most likely, you’ll die attempting a task you’re not qualified to complete, such as patching a hole in your roof because “everyone is trying to rip you off,” or self-medicating mood stabilizers because “treatment is too expensive.” On the plus side, you can use the money you saved playing Mr. Fix-It to pay for your own funeral.
Leo: Hair Stuck In Subway Doors, Mid-Flirtatious Gesture
People may think you’re arrogant, but you’re not, Leo. You’re just incredibly attractive, and you’re well aware of it. But be wary of those lovely looks; recall how Narcissus drowned while admiring at his mirror in the water? You may have been the one who did it. Nobody bothers to gaze at nature anymore.
You’re more likely to take a selfie while crossing an intersection or flip your lovely hair over your shoulder, directly into the subway car’s shutting doors. Isn’t it a jumble?
Virgo: Dies of Undiagnosable Stress-Rash
Do you have a nagging feeling, Virgo? You are, of course! It’s not like anyone would notice. You’re not the sort to let your emotions get the best of you. Virgos don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves; instead, they manifest as hives, migraines, or indigestion on the inside of their bodies. You’re not going to throw a tantrum like a child; instead, like a true adult, you’re going to bottle up your feelings and let them turn into cancer!
Libra: Murder-Suicide Pact
Consider the love stories of Romeo and Juliet, Bonnie and Clyde, and Sid and Nancy. While these are all heartbreaking tales of love too precious for this harsh, cruel world, they all have one thing in common: everyone involved was insane and in desperate need of counseling.
Libra, love isn’t the only thing you require. You’ll also need rationality to avoid dying like a sad sack of garbage in a co-dependent narrative book that only teenagers can understand.
Scorpio: Just Suicide
There’s nothing surprising about this. Scorpios aren’t afraid of death. Indeed, death (in some form or another) appears to follow them around their entire lives. Personal transformation, loss, and near-death experiences are all examples of near-death experiences.
Scorpios understand that dying is the same as being reborn, thus they’re not afraid. It may be necessary to take matters into their own hands while waiting for Death to make a move that drives a Scorpio insane.
Sagittarius: Climbing Everest, Like An Idiot.
I know you like to travel and do wild things, Sagittarius, and I’m not trying to sour your lemonade, but there are some things you can do that won’t put your life in jeopardy. You can go to places where you won’t get typhoid, jungle hemorrhoids, or cold.
Not that you’ll pay attention to me if you’re in the thick of your next vision quest. No, you won’t be satisfied until you’ve been starved to the point of cannibalism, so that we can all watch the next dying-on-a-mountain movie. You knucklehead. It’s impossible for me to remain enraged with you.
Capricorn: Faked Death To See Who Shows Up To The Funeral, Results Cause Aneurysm
Capricorn, you must quit caring what others think of you. It’ll be the last straw for you. We all wear a society mask, but the problem about masks is that they are visible to everyone. The sooner you admit that you’re an acceptance-starved creature on the inside, the sooner you’ll receive the unconditional love you seek.
Alternatively, you may spend your entire life never believing anyone truly loves you and testing your theory by faking your own death. Regardless of how many people show up, the consequences will kill you.
Aquarius: Alone
My mum was born under the sign of Aquarius. She viewed the movie “Frida” after her divorce and decided that if she ever married again, her husband would have to have his own home. That’s not how marriage works, but who am I to stifle the marital ambitions of a revolutionary artist as forward-thinking as Nanny Baker? I just hope she’s prepared to die alone, because I’m planning on dying before I turn 40.
Take note, Aquarians: your priceless independence will transform your life into that of a magnificent stallion, wild and free. It also has the potential to make your death a little lonely.
Pisces: As A Human Sacrifice
If you don’t like feeling like a doormat, it’s been stated that you should get off the floor, but it would require you to like, move, and stuff. Codependency, Pisces, is defined by an agreement to work harder on someone else’s problem than they do. It isn’t love, but in some settings, such as treatment centers or 12-step programs, it can pass for it. You’re going to take it! This manner, you can die as a massive martyr, as you have lived.
Step into your power, Pisces, and put it to good use. Otherwise, it will be claimed by someone else.
(March 21st to April 19th)
For an Aries, the most typical last words are “Please hold my beer.” Their adventurous spirit is a desirable trait unless they do something spectacularly idiotic like riding a bicycle down a cliff or disappearing when visiting a new nation “It’s completely safe.”
(April 20th to May 21st)
A Taurus will perish doing something they believe they can do on their own but shouldn’t. Enjoy being crushed behind the bookshelf you thought you could move alone!
(May 22nd to June 21st)
A Gemini will perish if he or she makes the wrong friends. They’re so nice and upbeat that they see the good in everyone, even those who shout “bad for you.” While they claim to have good intuition, they’ll be killed by their mistaken faith in a friend’s fixer upper.
(June 22nd to July 22nd)
A Cancer will die of a broken heart or something equally cheesy and ridiculous. When something truly dreadful occurs, their self-destructive tendencies emerge. They’ll wallow in their misery until their resolve to continue ebbs.
(September 23rd to October 22nd)
A Libra will die in the service of someone they care about. For example, one year there will be a flu shot shortage, and they will forego getting one out of the kindness of their hearts only to catch the flu and die.
(October 23rd to November 22nd)
In a quarrel with someone about something they’ve already forgotten about, a Scorpio will die. They’ll give instructions for their obituary to make it clear that they won.
(December 22nd to January 20th)
A Capricorn will die of old age on a deathbed, surrounded by all the people who have let them down in their lives so that they might be disappointed one more time.
(January 21st to February 18th)
An Aquarius will die at the expense of aiding someone in need. They’ll pick up a hitchhiker who appeals to their feeling of responsibility and altruism, or they’ll injure themselves while attempting to save someone from an accident. They’re the type of person you hope is nearby in an emergency.
(February 19th to March 20th)
While penning a poem on their iPhone notes or immersed in the words of whatever dreamy song is playing in their headphones, a Pisces will stray into traffic. They will perish as a result of their head in the clouds.
When it comes to death, how does Aquarius react?
Grief and Aquarius Aquarius is a very free-spirited sign. Most of the time, this will lead individuals to seek out unusual ways to communicate their pain. Aquarians are also quite self-reliant. Others perceive their sovereignty as remoteness, unmoved, and unaffected by loss as a result of their independence.
Is the Aquarius astrological sign toxic?
Anyone interested in using astrology to improve their relationships should be aware that, while Aquarians are known for their originality and individuality, they are also known for being unpredictable, stubborn, and extreme in their beliefs (via Thought Catalog). Aquarius is a fixed-type air sign that despises “authority and anything that resembles conventionality,” according to Allure. This can appear in harmless ways, such as abstract forms of dress or weekend warrior-style spontaneity, but it can quickly escalate into a poisonous situation if an Aquarian’s unique behavior is perceived as unreliable and inconsistent by those around them.
What zodiac sign has the ability to kill?
Recently, TikTokers used social media to help locate Gabby Petito, a 22-year-old woman who went missing while on a road trip with her ex-fianc, Brian Laundrie, who is now a fugitive. Petito was assassinated at the Grand Teton National Park later that year. The search for Laundrie was finally concluded with the finding of his remains, but doubts linger regarding whether his parents should face charges for allegedly committing and being accomplices to the murder.
So, aside from the Zodiac Killer (pun intended), what do astrology and genuine crime have in common? What if I told you there are a lot of zodiac killers out there, but not in the way you think…
The study’s primary conclusions stated, “Of the 485 serial murderers included in our analysis, Cancers, Pisces, Scorpio, and Sagittarius dominated the list.”
How do the majority of Libras die?
As we all know, Libras are the indecisive ones. They will almost certainly perish since they took far too long to make a decision. Scorpions are well-known for their daring, passionate, and obsessive personalities. They’ll almost certainly be shot in cold blood because they have a dark and mysterious side to them.
What is the Scorpion’s reaction to death?
Scorpio is a serious person when it comes to death. After all, this is someone she was close to and who she had lost. She, too, is devastated by the loss and will express her sorrow by sobbing, sharing treasured memories, and receiving a lot of love from friends and family.
She wants to draw those who are still alive closer to her because she has recently lost someone close to her. While Scorpio is a mourner, she is also a survivor with a strong determination. She is more resilient than most other signs when it comes to sorrow and death.
She doesn’t think she’ll be able to shrug it off after a few days, but she does believe that life is worth living and that the people she’s lost are alive through her in some manner, so she might as well enjoy it.
Pisces, what occurs after death?
Pisces are also empathic, and they may and will absorb the anguish and misery of individuals who have suffered a loss. They will do everything they can to look after others and make them feel better in whatever way they can, frequently forgetting to look for themselves. As a result, you may feel overloaded and neglected.