You might be unsure about the right course of action to take if one of your friends is diagnosed with cancer. It can be challenging to know what to say or do, even while you desire to assist.
It’s critical to keep in mind that every friendship is unique and that there are no fixed rules. Be sure to consider your particular dynamic and use that to direct your efforts to encourage your friend. Ensure simplicity. Always keep in mind that tiny things frequently mean the most.
In This Article...
Take Time to Prepare Yourself
Before speaking with a friend who has cancer, keep the following in mind:
Process your own emotions first. It might be upsetting to learn that a friend has cancer. Before you meet with the doctor, give yourself some time to acknowledge and manage your own feelings over the diagnosis. You can maintain the focus on your companion in this manner.
Discover the diagnosis. For a variety of reasons, your friend might not want to discuss the specifics. Repeating the same information to various people can be mentally and emotionally draining. If at all possible, ask a friend or the person’s spouse for the basics. To be sure you have the right information, note it down and say it out to them. Do not press for more information if there is any that is unknown or not shared.
Consider things from your friend’s point of view. Think back to a time when you were frightened or queasy. Consider how it may have felt. What were you hoping to discuss? What kind of treatment did you desire? You might want to get ready for your friend’s appearance to alter as well. Common side effects of cancer and many therapies include fatigue, weight loss, and hair loss. Instead of discussing any physical changes, begin your visit by saying, “It’s lovely to see you.
Helpful tips when supporting a friend
Here are some broad ideas for providing support, while every cancer patient is unique:
Request approval. Ask if you are welcome before coming over, offering advise, or asking any questions. Make it very clear that saying no is acceptable.
Plan beforehand. Make future plans without hesitation. Given that cancer treatments can be lengthy and taxing, this gives your friend something to look forward to.
Be adaptable. Make adaptable plans that are simple to alter in the event that your friend has to postpone or cancel.
As a group, laugh. When appropriate and necessary, use comedy and fun. A friendly exchange of words or a humorous tale might brighten a friend’s day.
Sign in. Make time for a call to check in. Tell your pal when you plan to call. Additionally, let your pal know it’s alright if she doesn’t answer the phone.
Offer to assist. Asking for assistance is difficult for many people. However, your friend will probably value the offer. You can offer to assist with particular duties like caring for kids, pets, or meal preparation. Do not be offended if your friend declines your invitation.
Carry through It is crucial that you keep your word if you pledge to lend a hand.
Be the same with them. Don’t let your friend’s illness interfere with your friendship, please. Treat him or her the same way you always have, if at all feasible.
Discuss subjects other than cancer. Inquire about your passions, pastimes, and other subjects unrelated to cancer. Sometimes those undergoing treatment require a break from discussing the illness.
Check out his or her website, blog, or group emails. Some cancer patients decide to start a blog about their experience so they can share it with their loved ones. Alternatively, a family member may send out a group email or post updates to a personal website. Maintain up-to-date knowledge of these developments to spare your companion from having to repeatedly recount events or facts. These updates are a fantastic approach to strike up a conversation as well.
What to say
Talk to your friend without hesitation. Saying “I don’t know what to say” is preferable to cutting off calls or visits out of fear.
The following are some phrases you might use to express your concern and support:
Examples of ineffective language are provided below:
Always keep in mind that there are numerous ways to interact with people, depending on their preferred method. A phone call, text message, or video call might demonstrate your concern for a buddy you don’t see much. Tell your pal it’s alright if he or she chooses not to respond.
Offering practical help
A buddy with cancer would frequently appreciate your assistance with chores and daily responsibilities. When providing assistance, be imaginative. Keep in mind that your friend’s needs can alter, and adjust your plans accordingly. Let them know you are available in case they have an unforeseen need.
If your buddy finds it challenging to accept your practical assistance, you might gently remind them that you are doing it out of love and don’t expect them to return the favor. Try to offer particular chores without being aggressive. Posing the question “It can be wide and daunting for your friend to ask, “How can I help?” Here are some ideas to get you going:
Organize play dates, babysit kids, drive them to and from events and school, etc.
Take your friend with you to a meeting or an appointment. Offer to keep him or her company throughout a procedure or take notes during an appointment.
Consider the tiny things your friend appreciates in life “standard for them. Offer to assist in simplifying these tasks.
Make any challenging phone calls on your behalf. Or, learn more about the various resources they could require.
If your friend decides to take part in a fundraising or outing, think of simple ways you might help.
Forming support teams
A fantastic way to assist a buddy with cancer is to put together a support group. Some online forums include tools to help friends and carers organize duties. You may plan events for your friends and family by using shareable web calendars. You may also create a paper calendar and hand-write all of your appointments and commitments on it. Ensure that your acquaintance has access to the calendar so that they are aware of the times and events.
Gift ideas
You might occasionally wish to give your pal a gift. As with any gift, have in mind your friend’s interests and pastimes. Someone close to you might be able to provide a silly or unexpected gift. An acquaintance or coworker might choose to stick with something more conventional. Depending on what your friend is most in need of at the time, keep gifts intriguing, amusing, serious, or light.
Several concepts are:
books of short tales or poems, magazines, audiobooks, novels, or gift vouchers to buy reading material
Gift cards for massages, spa treatments, dining establishments, or admission tickets to museums or galleries
Friendship makes a difference
After receiving a cancer diagnosis, it’s important to keep up with your regular activities and friendships to speed up the healing process. Remember that even when cancer treatment is over, friends still need your support and encouragement. Your companion will be searching for his or her “new normal” in this subsequent stage of life after therapy. Friendships play a significant role in it. Your friendship can help a person with cancer in the long run if you keep these useful advice in mind.
What should you tell a pal who has cancer?
The most crucial thing is to listen while speaking with a cancer patient. Try to hear and comprehend their feelings. Never mock, criticize, or attempt to influence how someone feels or behaves. Tell them you’re available for conversation whenever they want it. Or it’s fine if they don’t feel like speaking at that particular moment. When they’re prepared, you might offer to listen.
The cancer patient may occasionally appear furious, despondent, or withdrawing due to the uncertainty and worry. This is common and a natural part of the grieving process for those who have lost loved ones to cancer (things like health, energy, time). Most people are able to move on and adjust to their new reality in their life over time. To learn how to cope with the changes cancer has brought about in their lives, some people might require additional assistance from a support group or a mental health expert.
A person who has cancer could feel bad about what they did to trigger it. Others may make some people feel guilty by asking them if they ever did anything that might have contributed to their disease. This is known as stigma, and it sometimes causes cancer patients to blame themselves for getting sick or feel excluded, lonely, unhappy, and without a lot of support. Even their treatment strategy, quality of life, and potential for skipping out on follow-up care can all be impacted by it. Be reassuring and show that you care if someone feels ostracized because of their cancer diagnosis. Help them understand that while they can’t alter the past, they can still take control of their lives and their care both during treatment and beyond.
Some cancer patients may discuss mortality, worry about the future of themselves or their families, or discuss their other anxieties. Even if you don’t always have to answer, be prepared to hear about their suffering or any unsavory ideas they might want to offer. If someone asks your opinion on their condition, treatment, or other aspects of their cancer journey, be open and truthful but avoid attempting to provide information if you are unsure of the answer.
If you don’t know what to say to someone who has cancer, you’re not alone. It’s possible that you don’t know the individual well or that you’re close with them. Because there are so many different types of relationships at work, it might be more difficult. You may or may not be close friends with the person, depending on how well you know them.
The most crucial action you can take is to bring up the circumstance in a style that conveys your interest and care. You can offer support or offer words of encouragement. Sometimes the most impactful ways to show worry are the simplest. Additionally, there are instances when nothing more than listening is helpful.
Your response should be sincere and sincere. Here are a few concepts:
- I’m at a loss for words, but I just want you to know that I care.
- I’m sorry to learn about your situation.
- Hello and how are you?
- I’m available if you want to discuss it.
- Let me know how I can help, please.
- “I’ll think of you often.”
While it’s important to offer encouragement, it’s also crucial to avoid encouraging the cancer patient to maintain their positive outlook. These actions could give the impression that their very real worries, anxieties, or sad emotions are unimportant. It can be tempting to assert that you understand how they are feeling. Although you are aware that this is a difficult time, no one can truly understand how a cancer patient feels.
Humor can be a helpful coping mechanism. It may also be a different strategy for providing support and inspiration. This may be an excellent approach to decompress and step away from the more somber aspects of the circumstance. However, you should never make a joke unless you are certain the cancer patient will find it amusing and be able to handle it. Let the cancer patient take the initiative; it’s good for them to discover humor in a side effect, like as hair loss or an increase in appetite, and you can surely join them in a good chuckle.
Tell them whether they look decent! Avoid saying things like, “You’re looking pale,” or “You’ve lost weight,” when someone’s appearance isn’t as good. They most likely are highly aware of it, and if others make a comment about it, they can become embarrassed.
It’s usually safest to keep cancer-related stories concerning family members or friends to yourself. Because each person is unique, these stories might not be helpful. It is acceptable to tell them that you are familiar with cancer because you have experienced it with someone else instead. The conversation can continue from there.
“I’m here for you.
Be there for your loved ones and be there for them during this journey. And if you do say these things, make sure you really mean them and stick by them no matter what.
How can you help a cancer patient feel better?
Cancer may be a very lonely disease. Spend as much time as you can with your friend; you might be able to provide a pleasant diversion and restore their sense of normalcy before cancer took center stage in their lives.
- Always give a call before coming. If your friend is unable to see you at that time, be understanding.
- Plan your visit so that you can support the caregiver both physically and emotionally. Maybe you may make plans to be with your friend for a few hours while the caretaker leaves the house.
- Make frequent, brief trips as opposed to rare, lengthy ones. Recognize that while your friend might not want to communicate, they might also not enjoy being by themselves.
- Touch, a hug, or a handshake should be used to start and conclude the visit.
- If you are asked, be considerate.
- Always mention your next visit so your friend can anticipate it.
- So that your visit doesn’t burden the caregiver, offer to bring a snack or goodie to share.
- Try to avoid visiting on weekends and holidays when others may be around. A housebound sufferer may experience the sameness of time. It’s possible to feel lonely on a Tuesday morning or a Saturday night.
- Bring your own reading material, crossword puzzles, or other activities to pass the time with your friend while they sleep or watch TV.
- For your friend, read chunks of a book or newspaper, research interesting subjects online, or summarize them for them.
- If your pal is up for it, offer to go for a quick stroll with them.
How can you reassure a person who suspects they have cancer?
Top Ideas
- Actively hear without passing judgment.
- Be present, maintain eye contact, and pay attention completely.
- Pay attention to the person’s cues and act accordingly.
- Recognize the words said.
- Offer specialized practical assistance, such preparing meals or providing transportation to an appointment.
- To bring up delicate subjects, get consent.
What are the stages of cancer’s emotional impact?
Dealing with a Cancer Diagnosis in Five Stages
- Dealing is stage three.
- Sadness and depression are stages four.
- Stage 5: Acknowledgement.
What phrases should you avoid using around cancer patients?
Knowing what to say to a cancer patient might be challenging. You cannot really comprehend how it feels unless you have experienced it firsthand.
Without realizing it, many individuals frequently say incorrect things. Despite our greatest efforts, we frequently fall short. How can we communicate effectively with someone who has cancer?
Cancer was once a topic of whispered conversation. Many people still struggle with how to react to the news today, despite its ubiquity, improvements in treatment, and rising survival rates.
Someone you know will probably develop cancer at some point. You should be ready to discuss the disease in an acceptable manner when it occurs.
Similar accounts of awkward meetings and distressing remarks made by well-intentioned people are shared by many cancer survivors. Their combined insights aid in the definition of “cancer etiquette,” or standards of behavior when interacting with the cancer community. One strategy may not be effective for everyone because every individual with cancer experiences the disease differently. Talking to someone who has cancer can begin with this knowledge. There isn’t just one right answer. Simply stay at it.
Tips for talking to someone with cancer
Do not disregard them. When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, some individuals vanish. Avoiding the individual because you don’t know how to deal with them is the worst thing you can do. As it is, having cancer may be isolating and lonely. Inform them that you are there for them or that you adore them and that you two will get through this together. Even saying “I don’t know what to say” or sending a note with the message “I’m thinking of you” is acceptable. Just maintain contact.
Before you talk, pause. Your actions and words have the potential to be effective. Someone’s good mood can be completely destroyed by one comment. Avoid becoming extremely somber and grave. Stay away from clichs like “hero” and “fight.” Does that suggest they didn’t fight hard enough if they become worse? Think about what it would be like to be your friend. What words would you want to hear from someone?
Observe their example. Let the cancer patient set the tone for the conversation by deciding what topics to bring up. It need not always involve cancer. Your friend probably wants to appear as normal as possible. Tell them about a hilarious event that happened. If your friend wants to talk about cancer, let him or her. and keep the voice and eyes of sympathy.
Focus on your companion, not on yourself. Keep your concentration. Stay away from discussing your discomfort, headache, etc. Not about you, really. Furthermore, he or she may feel worse than you do and be uninterested in hearing how difficult this has been on your life. Don’t make him or her responsible for providing you with comfort. Ask questions only if you’re genuinely interested in the answer.
Listen only. Sometimes listening is enough. The finest action you can take is to genuinely listen. Without interjecting, let the cancer patient speak. You don’t always need to know everything; all you need to offer is a sympathetic ear. He or she could choose to sit silently and not speak at all. Sitting alone is acceptable.
Don’t disregard their knowledge. Avoid saying things like “Don’t worry, you’ll be OK.” You are unaware of that. Say “I’m truly sorry” or “I hope it’ll be okay” instead. Also, avoid calling their malignancy “the good cancer.” These remarks minimize what he or she is experiencing. Keep the lines of communication open so they can express their worries and fears.
Avoid being bothersome. Don’t inquire about numbers or tumor indicators from people who have cancer. They will discuss their blood test findings if they want to. Allow them the choice of whether to divulge this information or not. Additionally, refrain from bringing up sensitive topics that you wouldn’t have previously discussed, particularly when it comes to sex and religion.
Avoid lecturing them. Do not attempt to influence the cancer patient’s thoughts, emotions, or behavior. Do not act as though you understand what they are going through. Try expressing “I care about you and want to help” instead of “I know how you feel.” Don’t advocate for alternative therapies, a healthier lifestyle, etc. And don’t advise them to “remain positive” because that will simply make them feel guilty and frustrated.
Avoid physical examinations. Avoid making harsh remarks about the appearance of cancer patients. They don’t need to have their hair or weight loss brought up. Additionally, avoid enquiring about possible side effects if they have recently begun therapy. If you must comment, tell them they appear more powerful or attractive, but make sure you mean it.
Don’t make analogies. Every person approaches cancer in a unique way. Don’t discuss other people you know’s personal medical issues. Additionally, avoid bringing up your cancer-stricken friend who runs marathons or never misses a day of work. Avoid discussing the chances or assuming the prognosis. Just let your friend be themselves.
Show them that you care. Prove your love and support for individuals who are suffering from cancer. They deserve a hug. Offer them a smoothie, books, periodicals, or music as a surprise. Offer to assist by cooking, doing laundry, watching the kids, or running errands. Ask with specificity, “When may I come over for dinner? Additionally, only volunteer your assistance if you’ll actually do it and won’t ask for anything in return.
Tell uplifting tales. Encourage people by sharing the triumphs of long-term cancer survivors. Do not remark, “They had exactly what you did. Every cancer is unique. And never tell tales that have unhappy conclusions. Offer to connect a person with the same form of cancer with someone you know.
NOTE: Neither the intent nor the implication is for this material to be a replacement for qualified medical guidance. Prior to making decisions concerning your treatment, always consult your doctor or another experienced healthcare professional.